43 Years in 43 Sentences

43 Years in 43 Sentences

In a previous blog post, I said I was dating myself.  In this post, I genuinely am…by revealing my age <insert shocked face emoji with fine lines here>.  Here are snippets about my life across four decades and change.

  1. As a Valentine's Day baby, I ruined the holiday for my mother (I learned this at 41).
    Baby Laurie Snooping
    Baby Laurie stole Valentine's Day and presents.  Such a scamp.
  2.  If I tweeze my eyebrows, I sneeze minimally four times in a row.
  3.  I have a baby tooth that never fell out, so the Tooth Fairy owes me a dollar plus inflation.
  4. I don't have a college degree, but I'm three degrees separated from Kevin Bacon.

    College Hilarity.JPG
    I didn't show up to my college classes, but I left a 30-minute message on a guy's answering machine detailing sensitive male body parts.  #HigherLearning
  5. I accidentally stole a magazine from the college bookstore.
  6. Instead of coming clean, I put the money for the magazine in a random place upon my next visit.
  7. I know this was for naught, but that is how I dealt with the situation…25 years ago.
  8. I once worked security at a NASCAR event at the age of 16.
  9. I didn't allow a top TV announcer into our Media Center, and he moved me out of the way to get inside to interview Dale Earnhardt.
  10. The guy was doing his job, and I was doing mine.
    Although the TV announcer wasn't a fan of mine, this race publication writer was (even if he misspelled my name.)
  11. Throughout my childhood, my mom not only gave up Valentine's Day but let me have cheesecake for my birthday.
  12. I rarely eat cheesecake as an adult.
  13. I loved and ate Fettucine Alfredo often as a child, but got scared straight when it was labeled “heart attack on a plate.”
  14. At 40, I learned that my sister was paid $100 to take me to my first New Kids on the Block concert.
  15. My sister informed me that she would charge well over a $1000 to go to a New Kids on the Block concert with me now.

    I Love New Kids on the Block
    I found this gem in my childhood bedroom a few years ago.  My love for Joey McIntyre was REAL at the age of thirteen.
  16.  At the age of five, I kicked my adult neighbor in the shin when she told me I looked cute in my bikini.
  17. I Silly String'd my childhood dog and had to cut all of the evidence out of his fur when it dried.
    Laurie and Scruffy
    Scruffer de Duffer, you didn't deserve the “Silly String Incident of 1984.”  I love and miss you.  Is it just me or did Scruffy and I have the same hair/fur color?
  18. I was an a$$hole as a child.
  19. Growing up, whenever we played “Goonies” with friends, I was “Sloth.”
  20. At 15, I was afraid of getting contacts because I thought I would poke my eyeballs out.
  21. I have contacts now, but never let my fingernails grow too long because I still don't want to poke my eyes out.
  22. I bit my nails until the age of 25 but quit as soon as I got my first professional job.
  23. Before my professional job, I was a clown, a dancing theme park character, and a waitress.
  24. As a waitress, I hated it when• guests would leave dirty diapers behind on the table.
  25. Seriously…who does that?
  26. To this day, due to my past as a server, I still tip 20% even when service isn't sniffing at lackluster.
  27. I don't consider Disney lackluster as I have been so many times that I've lost count.
    Disney Ticket
    Check out this relic!
  28. I was denied a kiss during a “Kiss Cam” moment at an NBA game.
  29. I was married to the guy at the time.
  30. We are super duper divorced.
  31. My father was a Burger King Franchisee.
  32. I joke that instead of a silver spoon I was born with a Whopper in my mouth.
  33. I just told my fiancé the name of this blog post.
  34. He responded, “You're 43, so that makes me 44?”
  35. When I responded in the affirmative, he kicked his leg in the air and said, “YEAH…I thought I was 45!”
  36. I do what I can to keep the man happy.
    I once picked up Jared from the airport wearing a chauffeur hat.  Amazon is a treasure trove of stuff that you wear once or twice just for fun.
  37. I slept with covers over my head until the age of 11 due to my fear of the Boogeyman.
  38. I used to “Polar Bear” at my parent's camp in Maine as a teenager.
  39. I now live in Florida, so when I visit Maine during cold weather (60º), I look like the younger brother all dressed up in winter clothing from A Christmas Story.
  40. My favorite shops are Amazon, Etsy, Anthropologie and local home goods shops.
  41. The # of Amazon orders I make each year grows between 10% to 25%.
  42. I'm pretty sure the UPS guy thinks I never leave the house.
  43. If you are still reading this, you are loyal and I think I love you.

Does this remind you a bit of the “25 Things You Don't Know About Me” that US Magazine publishes?  Yeah…me, too…

I would love to learn more about all of you!  If you would kindly leave a couple of sentences (or as many as you would like to share) in the comments that would be oh so rad.

Work Hard.  Play Hard.  Drink Chard.