43 Years in 43 Sentences

43 Years in 43 Sentences

In a previous blog post, I said I was dating myself.  In this post, I genuinely am…by revealing my age <insert shocked face emoji with fine lines here>.  Here are snippets about my life across four decades and change.

  1. As a Valentine’s Day baby, I ruined the holiday for my mother (I learned this at 41).
    Baby Laurie Snooping
    Baby Laurie stole Valentine’s Day and presents.  Such a scamp.
  2.  If I tweeze my eyebrows, I sneeze minimally four times in a row.
  3.  I have a baby tooth that never fell out, so the Tooth Fairy owes me a dollar plus inflation.
  4. I don’t have a college degree, but I’m three degrees separated from Kevin Bacon.

    College Hilarity.JPG
    I didn’t show up to my college classes, but I left a 30-minute message on a guy’s answering machine detailing sensitive male body parts.  #HigherLearning
  5. I accidentally stole a magazine from the college bookstore.
  6. Instead of coming clean, I put the money for the magazine in a random place upon my next visit.
  7. I know this was for naught, but that is how I dealt with the situation…25 years ago.
  8. I once worked security at a NASCAR event at the age of 16.
  9. I didn’t allow a top TV announcer into our Media Center, and he moved me out of the way to get inside to interview Dale Earnhardt.
  10. The guy was doing his job, and I was doing mine.
    Although the TV announcer wasn’t a fan of mine, this race publication writer was (even if he misspelled my name.)
  11. Throughout my childhood, my mom not only gave up Valentine’s Day but let me have cheesecake for my birthday.
  12. I rarely eat cheesecake as an adult.
  13. I loved and ate Fettucine Alfredo often as a child, but got scared straight when it was labeled “heart attack on a plate.”
  14. At 40, I learned that my sister was paid $100 to take me to my first New Kids on the Block concert.
  15. My sister informed me that she would charge well over a $1000 to go to a New Kids on the Block concert with me now.

    I Love New Kids on the Block
    I found this gem in my childhood bedroom a few years ago.  My love for Joey McIntyre was REAL at the age of thirteen.
  16.  At the age of five, I kicked my adult neighbor in the shin when she told me I looked cute in my bikini.
  17. I Silly String’d my childhood dog and had to cut all of the evidence out of his fur when it dried.
    Laurie and Scruffy
    Scruffer de Duffer, you didn’t deserve the “Silly String Incident of 1984.”  I love and miss you.  Is it just me or did Scruffy and I have the same hair/fur color?
  18. I was an a$$hole as a child.
  19. Growing up, whenever we played “Goonies” with friends, I was “Sloth.”
  20. At 15, I was afraid of getting contacts because I thought I would poke my eyeballs out.
  21. I have contacts now, but never let my fingernails grow too long because I still don’t want to poke my eyes out.
  22. I bit my nails until the age of 25 but quit as soon as I got my first professional job.
  23. Before my professional job, I was a clown, a dancing theme park character, and a waitress.
  24. As a waitress, I hated it when• guests would leave dirty diapers behind on the table.
  25. Seriously…who does that?
  26. To this day, due to my past as a server, I still tip 20% even when service isn’t sniffing at lackluster.
  27. I don’t consider Disney lackluster as I have been so many times that I’ve lost count.
    Disney Ticket
    Check out this relic!
  28. I was denied a kiss during a “Kiss Cam” moment at an NBA game.
  29. I was married to the guy at the time.
  30. We are super duper divorced.
  31. My father was a Burger King Franchisee.
  32. I joke that instead of a silver spoon I was born with a Whopper in my mouth.
  33. I just told my fiancé the name of this blog post.
  34. He responded, “You’re 43, so that makes me 44?”
  35. When I responded in the affirmative, he kicked his leg in the air and said, “YEAH…I thought I was 45!”
  36. I do what I can to keep the man happy.
    I once picked up Jared from the airport wearing a chauffeur hat.  Amazon is a treasure trove of stuff that you wear once or twice just for fun.
  37. I slept with covers over my head until the age of 11 due to my fear of the Boogeyman.
  38. I used to “Polar Bear” at my parent’s camp in Maine as a teenager.
  39. I now live in Florida, so when I visit Maine during cold weather (60º), I look like the younger brother all dressed up in winter clothing from A Christmas Story.
  40. My favorite shops are Amazon, Etsy, Anthropologie and local home goods shops.
  41. The # of Amazon orders I make each year grows between 10% to 25%.
  42. I’m pretty sure the UPS guy thinks I never leave the house.
  43. If you are still reading this, you are loyal and I think I love you.

Does this remind you a bit of the “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” that US Magazine publishes?  Yeah…me, too…

I would love to learn more about all of you!  If you would kindly leave a couple of sentences (or as many as you would like to share) in the comments that would be oh so rad.

Work Hard.  Play Hard.  Drink Chard.


People, Places & McNuggets

People, Places & McNuggets

It was only 8 weeks ago that I published my first blog post!  It quite frankly feels like it has been longer than that.  Maybe that is due in part to averaging about two hours less sleep each night as creative thoughts and ideas swirl around my twisted, little brain?  Is that how time works?

Anyway, I thought this blog post would best be served to describe/overview some of the people and things that have been featured in previous posts.  I’ve also added a few random bonus items, as well.  Because in my blog life and my real life, I am random.

So, please…enjoy the show and tell of my so-called blog life…

People and Animals

Mom and Dad brought me into this world back in the 70’s.  I was born in Boston on Valentine’s Day and the only child that my mom was allowed to deliver with an epidural.  I think this gave me an advantage over my siblings to the status as the favorite child.  They deny this, but I wish they would just admit to this already.

My parents are loving, generous and incredibly funny people that I look up to not just as a daughter but as a friend.  They recently snowbird-ed in Florida, so I was able to spend a lot of time with them over the winter and spring.  Although they are now back home in Maine, I know I will get to see them again soon.  I love you, Mom and Dad!

These two adorable people recently celebrated their 50th anniversary.  For the record, my Mom did not wear a cone to mark the occasion.

Kelly is so much more than my older sister.  She and I were born 7 years apart, so we didn’t grow up super close.  Would you want to hang out with a miscreant that liked to stick her dirty fingers in YOUR make-up?  Didn’t think so.

My sister is nothing short of amazing.  She’s one of the smartest people I have ever known.  Hardworking, passionate, impeccably organized and detailed, knowledgeable in a wide variety of areas and oh so helpful.  She’s the family “go-to” for so many questions and needs especially when it comes to technology.

I never expected for her to become one of my best friends, but to be able to Facebook message, text and talk on the phone daily with her is a real gift.  And she also allows the poop emoji (my fave!) to be the mascot of our Facebook conversations.  I’m forever grateful (about everything…not just the poop emoji thing.)

Kelly and Laurie
I think we need to recreate this photo when we Girls Trip in Vegas, Kel.

Jared the Man.  That’s what it says whenever I log onto Netflix. And it’s true.  This man has a heart of gold, the mind of a steel trap, and an artist’s soul.  He’s one of the most loyal and caring people I have ever met.  I am grateful that puts up with me as I blunder my way through the blogging world (it takes serious TIME).  I am doubly thankful that he knows how to deal with my “hangry” (he carefully hands me food).

I love you, Jared!  I don’t know what I would do without your love, support, handyman capabilities, and horrible Boston accent. 🙂

You might this is a smoldering glance, but it’s a “Get the d@mn shot so I can shove this burger in my face” look.

Nicole is my best-est friend in the world.  I met her just over 7 years ago at a party of a mutual friend (that is no longer friends with either one of us…DRAMA!).  During our first conversation, she was wearing an oversized, fuzzy pink hat that had a Jamiroquai-like quality.   Fast forward, and although the mutual friend and that weird a$$ hat are gone, I still have her.

Nicole, as my Dad said to my Mom on their second date, “If you don’t get rid of me now, you will never get rid of me.”

Nicole and I are often asked if we are sisters.  We definitely look like each other, but I wish I had her dimples.  They rule.

Momica is Jared’s delightful mother, Monica.  She is a world traveling, straight shooter with a big, booming laugh.  We enjoy blowouts (for hair), wine, temporary tattoos, wine, girl talk, and wine (red for her, white for me). My constant puns make her constantly groan which is why you will see me call her out whenever I go pun-tastic in a post.

Nothing says “party” like a temporary tattoo.  No…seriously…it said “party.”

Jolie is my Shih-Poo that has been by my side for 14 years.  When I got her, I was told she was a Toy Poodle.  I called shenanigans, so I picked up a DNA kit to “Maury Povich” her.  I opened the results and read them to her…

“MALTESE…you are NOT the father!” She looked confused.

“CHIHUAHUA…you are NOT the father!”She kept STARING at the dog treat in my hand.

“SHIH TZU…you ARE the father!”That dog’s eyes remained fixated on the d@mn treat.

So I gave her the treat.  The end.

Jolie 3
Pre-Reveal:  “Whoa…I have a DAD? Whatevs…I don’t even know my Dog Mom. I just know you, Human Mom.”
Jolie 2
Post-Reveal:  “I can’t believe I’m not part Maltese. I’ve lied on all of my Doggie Daycare forms for YEARS.” *facepaw*

Wednesday & Pugsley are two dogs that came into my life as part of the “Jared Package.”  Two street-rat thug doggies found in a Los Angeles alley.  They are a fiercely loyal brother and sister that quickly captured my heart.  I mean…look at them!!!

Wednesday and Pugsley
Wednesday is on the left.  Pugsley to the right.   <insert Addams Family music here>

Cookie is my parent’s 14-year-old dog.  She’s been added at the request of my mother or as my father refers to her “She Who Must Be Obeyed.”  I was there the day my parents chose her when she was the wee-est of wee ones.  I love lavishing her with love whenever I go home.  I almost don’t mind it when my Mom calls me “Cookie” by mistake. (Seriously, Mom?  Get. It. Together. Or I am going to wear a nametag next time I go home.)

Sweet, sweet cookie.  My sister from another (doggie) mister.

Things in My Life

Lady Parlor – I love this space in my home so much I’ve written about it twice (I’m shameless!).  Check out the posts here and here

Lady Parlor Entrance
Lady, for so many years I thought I’d never find you
You have come into my life and made me whole – Kenny Rogers

Rue – You’ll learn more about my bike in a future post.  She’s purdy, and she thinks she is French.  She only knows three French words – rue, fromage, and baguette.

Whenever I ring the bell as I pass someone, I audibly say, “Ring!  Ring!”  I find doing so entertaining.

Some Really, Really Random Things

#NugLife – How I refer to the want, need or the eating of McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets.  Yes…I know what they are made of and I don’t care.  #NugLife4Eva

My father is a retired Burger King franchisee.  If he were still in the biz, I wouldn’t tout my love for the Arches so brazenly.

Clown – One of the many jobs I had in my early 20’s was that as the clown of a restaurant chain back home in Maine called The Ground Round.  As Bingo the Clown, I delighted (and frightened) children and adults of all ages with sub-par juggling and balloon animals.

Clown 1
I was arrested for wearing a garter on my calf. Overall(s), I skated away from the situation without a record…or a shred of dignity.

Spelling Bee Champion of the World District –  At the tender age of twelve, I became the champion of the S.A.D. 52 Spelling Bee beating out Betsy Briggs with the word “lettuce.”  “Percolator” was my downfall at the county-wide competition – the very first word that I was given.  I sat and cried throughout the rest of the bee.  I stopped crying when my parents bought me ice cream on the way home.

Bangs and Sally Jesse Raphael glasses.  It’s no wonder I was dateless until the age of 16…

Well, dear readers, our time has come to an end with this post.  I hope you enjoyed learning a bit more about the people, things and Chicken McNuggets in my life.

I would love to learn more about all of you!  If you would leave me a little nugget or a bunch of nuggets (#NugLife) in the Comments, that would rule.

Work Hard.  Play Hard.  Drink Chard.


P.S.  This is not an ad or sponsored post.  My expression of love for McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets is of my own accord…and wallet.